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A Divided Soul...:I


Sometimes it's difficult for me to decide whether I am a good person or a devil from the inside. Few moments in my life bring a smile to my face whenever I think about them, giving proof to my heart that I have been good sometimes. But on the contrary, there are some other shreds of evidence too which thrash my brain and heart at once. Both get involved in a fierce battle of Good-Bad discussion.
      A few days back, one of my neighborhood Uncles died an unnatural death due to some chronic disease and lung infection. He died at a young age, leaving behind him a young wife, an old unhealthy mother, and a very small kid, not even mature to understand where his father went. That man was considered to be the most talkative person in our colony. He used to speak a lot and that too on unnecessary topics. He could go on for hours discussing worthless topics. He used to be a very healthy man, never heard from him of being sick, bedridden or some other filthy adjectives of illness being attached to him. He used to walk 10 or 12 miles daily to his office and lead a very routine and healthy life. He belonged to a caste, whose people were considered to be conservative, introverted, and jealous. Strange na...!!...How people are now judged just by their caste and not by their nature and heart. Earlier people used to be divided just on color and country. But now the division's been done on a massive scale and due to uncountable reasons. And the basis of divisions is unrealistic, fatal, and useless. Now people are divided on caste, city, state, color, religion, and every other social basis in this world. Anyway reverting back to my statements about that man. People belonging to his caste were considered to be very cunning, greedy for money, sweet poison, and excessively jealous, as I heard from different people, and sometimes from those who themselves belonged to the same caste. Although I personally think that these traits exist in every kind of person surviving today, but who am I to expect my opinion to be taken into consideration on a national level. So that man was considered to be excessively jealous, cunning but helpful, too much talkative but light-hearted.
     But a few days back, when I was busy attending my educational counseling in some other city, I heard that the man was seriously ill and he was admitted to a nearby hospital. The main reason behind illness was considered to be the intake of an expiry date medicine. He was also a High B.P patient. Being critically ill, he was referred to a better hospital in another city. But even after being admitted, Doctors said that he had a 10% chance of surviving. They tried their best to save him but couldn't succeed. So accepting his fate he left his body and his soul departed for an unnatural and unplanned journey. RIP...:'(...
    When it comes to my opinion about him, he always had a bad impression on my mind. He used to have have bad intentions about other women and used to enter other people's house without even seeking permission. He always seemed to be a greedy and conservative man. And most importantly, he was surpassing the same bad traits to his son. Now when he was dead, I felt bad that I had bad impression of him.
     One side of my mind and heart is having a fierce battle with the other side. One says to others that it's fine that he died...he was not a nice person...but the other side says that maybe he was not good for the world...but his son and family needed him...he should have survived for them. One side again complains that let it be....a soul lives and departs, its nature's law....but other side demands mercy...that natural law should be kind enough and should be in a routine way and processed appropriately by god...Sometimes I think that there should have been an equal amount of age and life allotted to everybody...And everyone should accept the rule and should work on his life for a better farewell...I used to think that they were jealous people and somewhere they were responsible for my bad performance in engineering exams...but now thinking maturely. I regret that thought..and lament that I should have been a li'l more graceful and mature.
     Today his son was playing in front of my house and I was just watching him, feeling pity on him and his future.....
At once he asked me
   His son: Bhaiya[bro]..!!... When are your exams ending..??
   Me: They are over buddy.....I took admission in BIT Mesra and I am gonna join my batch next week.
   His son: Oh..!!...good...I also have an exam on 23rd of this month, but I think I would have to drop the thought of attending it...as I have a lot of work left after dad's gone...


I was stunned at his words...He was merely 12 or 13 in age....and he was talking so maturely...It seemed as if he had gathered the courage and moved on...The boy who cried like hell few days back during his father's cremation has moved on happily.....But on second thought he was crying because he was watching her mother and grandmother cry remorsefully in grief .....and didn't even understand why they were shedding those water droplets...:(
    I couldn't react properly to that innocent comment...I was not able to gather any words...I didn't know what to say...I was stunned at his courage and guts...I at once envied him for the strength and the great heart, he possessed. He asked some more questions regarding the college and location and then he engaged himself in the game.
   Thank you, god, for your laws and games.....On one side you show your cruel side, assigning death to those people who are needed...but on the other side you are the only one to provide the strength and courage to help people fight their fate, accept it and move on standing again, unmoved, unhurt and with more strength in the battle of their life.

RIP....the departed soul......and Oh lord..!!...please provide strength to the man's family to bear the enormous pain and accept their fate...

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